The Legend of Dichstrudel

Session 4

'twas a close shave

Having been informed of Nero’s sudden departure two weeks ago by Gool, his ex lover, the valiant Snakefinger Smoot decided to take a closer look at the wizard’s library, where he indeed found clues as to where this strange and, as I can honestly say, unique purple-bearded sage might have ventured forth. The goal of his journey, judging by these clues that come in the form of a book and a map, appears to be a sorcerer’s tomb, hidden at the foot of the rough Bronze Mountains. It is said that this sorcerer wielded manifold thaumaturgic powers, strong enough to challenge all but the mightiest and most alien creatures, or dare I say creators?, in this world we call home, and maybe in others as well, in planes of existence undreamed of by man. Et cetera, et cetera – the actual interesting part in the book is that to control this wizard’s power, almost all of the great magi of his time had to work together in order to entomb him in a sarcophagus, never to be free again. The map, as it seems, leads to the exact location of this spirit’s prison.
Sadly, there was no time for further researches, as from the sewers below came the sound of footsteps, followed by male screams. Rushing off with Umi, Nero’s sister and the reason why Snakefinger was drawn into this mess in the first place, and Gool to the mansion’s bathroom, from where a gully leads down to the hideout of Gool and Vroomish, who were part of some kind of guerilla communist rebel force together with Jim Slip, the sly glassman rogue who gave instructions how to contact them to Snakefinger before vanishing (just like almost everybody else these days).
Arriving at the bathroom, a thug of the city guard is being forced to climb up through the gully by harsh insults apparently hurled by his manly captain. Hilarity A fight ensues, with Smoot cutting off the thug’s pants just before he could attack Gool and kicking him down the gully again, to the horror of his colleague who was just trying to join the fight.
Driven by adrenalin or sheer audacity, Snakefinger decides to “BRING THE BATTLE TO THEM” and jumps down the hole, accompanied by the furious Gool! Down there, and the formerly secret hideout, they have to face 8 men, one of them being a giant sporting a mighty moustache of manliness. In a corner, the dead Vroomish is decorating the room like an especially weird sculpture. After a few moments of silence, the battle-hardened and scar-faced warrior breaks out in laughter, taunting his inferiors that now finally there is a real man involved in this mission. A threat by Snakefinger (I’m gonna kick you all in the ponkers!) is answered by even more respect, yet parley still proves to be out of question, for the order to “eliminate the filthy maggot rebel scum” came directly from the Almighty himself. Thus, the climatic battle commences.
One of the soldiers manages to harm Snakefinger, leaving a nasty scar in his thigh. The heroic scoundrel had other problems, though, for the broad-shouldered giant of a man that is Captain Gawenar is slowly moving towards him, his mighty bastard sword missing Snakefinger by an inch at most! The momentum of the slash made the captain stumble, though, and gave Snakefinger the chance to pierce the one spot just below the captains chainmail that is unarmoured. Apparently, the rapier hit an important nerve, for the man’s right leg seems to be rendered useless for now! Of course, this does not make him change his mind, being a man of honour and pride (and of an utter dislike for a death in the Almighty’s pleasure domes). Being thus distracted, Snakefinger hardly notices the man sneaking up towards him. Luckily, the glasswoman Gool had recovered from the shock caused by her comrade’s death and, to everybody’s great surprise, attacked with her dagger – without even touching it! After speaking some strange words and waving her hands in a confusing way, the tiny weapon flew off through the air, punctured one of the soldier’s throats, came out from the back of his head and got stuck in a second man’s eye socket. This at least was enough to bring the battle to a sudden halt, obviously discouraging even the bold captain Gawenar, who seems to give up – "Screw this. Looks like I need to change town again. What is it that you want? ", he asks, trembling at the unnatural sight of a blue robed skeleton with invisible, yet beautiful hips (as can be seen by the way her robe is falling) casting spells of magic and killing two men in but a few moments.
Snakefinger smiles.
His answer comes in the form of his rapier, and with a series of elegant and frighteningly quick movements he swings his rapier, thus removing the poor moustache without leaving any trace at all. “Now GO.”
Thus dishonoured, the captain seems to be a broken man. Mumbling random stuff, he walks away, followed by his smiling subordinates. The last thing that can be heard after they left the hideout through the dark and twisted corridor to the sewers is a quiet giggling, followed by the sound of a sword being drawn and put into something meaty while being emphasized by a not so quiet scream. And then they are gone.

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